Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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