Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
