So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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