Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
i think i just lost a toe
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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