sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Randomize
