Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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