his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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