i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
