I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
