shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Randomize
