i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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