All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
