The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
All the doctor said was why
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
