not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
my sisters under your porch take her home
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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