You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Randomize
