our cab driver is having phone sex.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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