He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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