A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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