Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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