my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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