you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
