worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
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