absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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