Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize
