this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
He shit in the fireplace
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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