i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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