it hurts more in the daytime
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
