i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize