he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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