One girl and one boy is just not enough.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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