Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
