do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
