your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
