so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
