ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Pants are for mortals
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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