Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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