Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
