It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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