So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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