hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
