margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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