take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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