Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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