Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
