Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize