3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
