watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
