btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
