he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Randomize
