my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
