only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
