A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
