you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
