Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Randomize
