girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
