Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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