At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
