Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
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