Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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