Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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