Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
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Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Why is there bacon in the couch?