I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.