Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner