I can tuck mytits in my pants
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
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