I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
