3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
