Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
