The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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