u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
